I didn't realize it was Ash Wednesday today.
I saw glimpses of it via the internet and went on my merry way of sulking and sleeping under my electric blanket. Brian has been out of town this week and last, and this pregnancy has been kicking my butt. There was something somewhere about anemia sapping all your energy away? I don't know where my numbers fell this time around, but I was assigned a double daily dose of iron pills. And with my last pregnancy my OB said she wasn't sure how I was making it off the couch with how low my hemoglobin was.
Well, this time around I haven't been making it off the couch.
And, instead of revering Ash Wednesday today, I ate whatever I wanted, slept through the afternoon, lost it a time or two with the kids, and wished away the next 24 hours until Brian arrives home. You could say self-centeredness was a fair definition of my day.
At some point an article caught my eye and "46 days of lent" popped out. Forty-six days. I have just about forty-six days until this baby comes. How ironic.
I put the kids to bed as kindly as I could, and I went back and sat down and thought about Ash Wednesday and Lent and this season for our spiritual lives. I thought about these next forty-six days.
It's just so perfectly timed. I've been feeling like this baby should have come yesterday, and I haven't been quite sure how I'm going to make it another six weeks. But how perfect that these last six weeks are the six weeks of Lent.
I feel drawn to use them well.
To run towards that peaceful grace God offers instead of complaining about what this life isn't offering. To reach for mercy and embrace the goodness of God. To enjoy what He's given me. To find joy in those little things and people that so easily drag me down. To rest knowing I am but dust, and He is always mindful of that.
It's a simple recognition of a holy day, but it's given me hope that these next six weeks will be good ones. And at the end of it I hope to be a better person as I welcome this little soul into the world.
Happy Lent, friends.
May you join me in using it well.