February 19, 2013

A bleak outlook

  Most of the blogs I frequent haven't posted in over two weeks - looks like I've joined the ranks. I'll blame it on the mid-winter gloom that proves to be uninspiring and at times life sucking. A bit over dramatic, but it seriously doesn't lend its hand to kindling the imagination.
  The truth is, I've been thinking a lot about motherhood. It's plagued me for sometime, and I haven't had the where-with-all to find the right words.  In all honesty the situation looks bleak - not mine - but the situation of motherhood in general. I see endless articles and postings about the woes and weariness of being a mom. And these aren't mom's complaining - it's simply self-expression and a need for honesty. And while it seems to be rampant on the internet, I don't have to go too far to wander into a conversation of similar despair in my own world. 
  The problem is, I'm a young mom. And I love being a mom. I love being with Rori, and I love watching her grow. I love being challenged to teach her well, and to realize that the easy way outs of discipline and neglect test me every day. But when I look around me and up ahead at the future, I don't see happiness. I see weary souls who could have used a lot more encouragement along the way, desperation that's crying to get out of the insanity but is never heard, and too many patterns set for the wrong reasons that have become a norm. By no means do I look ahead at all this and judge - I multiply my life now by 9 years and add 4 kids, and I can understand. But I don't really want to. 

  I was hoping that somewhere, in someone, I would find a better answer. I'd get to see joy and contentment in the life of raising kids. I was wanting to find someone who, though they've seen years of selflessness and hard work, can still offer peace and grace when they enter a conversation. Someone who shines with the beauty of wisdom from all her long years. Someone who is still in the throws of it all, but can step back and let the chaos rush down stream in order to find herself again. 
  I was hoping to find someone who can give me hope for the future - an example to show you don't have to give into the despair and lose yourself along the way. While I've seen glimmers, I'll admit, I've been disappointed. And my disappointment doesn't lie with other moms, but more so with our communities. Somewhere along the line, mothers were left on their own - unsupported, un-encouraged, and alone. And that life giving power that each person possesses was left dormant. I don't know what really happened, or if this is just how it's always been. But it's a sad state. It's been a somewhat sad world to enter and a little bewildering. 

  In all this, I haven't given up on finding that women I know exists somewhere. I'll find her - someday. And in the mean time I hope to do my part in spreading a little more joy and a little more of a break to the fellow mom's in my life. I hope that as our family grows we will turn the tide - not just in our family but in all the families we meet. And maybe someday, in the midst of sick kids, unmade dinners, and crying babies,  I'll get a glimpse of that mom I've been looking for smiling back at me in the mirror. 


  1. Hi Kelly. I read your blog off and on, whenever I am over visiting Alyssa Corleys. :) I'm sure you remember me, Danyelle Green (now Toplov), from our Mexico days. Obviously we have not kept in touch, but as I read your blog, I was saddned by the impression that many mothers have given you. It would be a lie to say that being a full-time mom isn't exhausting (we have three kids, ages 5, 3, and 19 months). It's totally exhausting, but it's so rewarding in many, many ways. The wonderful part about being a full time parent is that it shows me how weak and helpless I am and it points me to my need to rest in Christ. The deal with parenting is to keep the focus on Christ, instead of all the chaos that goes with raising little kids. It's not an easy job, but it can be joyful as we find our strength in the Lord. I think the issue lies more with our perspective as mothers. We need to be real about the challenges of raising kids, but we also need to adjust our attitudes and give the younger moms (such as yourself) a more encouraging picture of parenting. :) So....I apologize for those of us mothers who make parenting feel like a huge chore with no joy or rewards. It is a huge responsibility to mother children, but we look forward to the rewards that it reaps as we keep our eyes on God. Does that lighten you burden a bit?

  2. Beautifully said. I believe that you will be that women, Kelly. The Lord is faithful!

  3. Hi there, I'm a friend of your MIL, and was in MFM last fall, any who, just wanted to thank you. You are right that many young moms are overwhelmed and very rarely see encouragement that mothering is amazing. I found solace with a small group of moms who I would go out with every month, just to be me and encourage each other. As a mom of elem kids now, I can say to you that you start to see the glimpses of rewards from all the time spent with your babies. There are difficult times, but keeping the focus on God's mission for you. You will be that mom that shines light to others because God has put that desire in you. Being a mother is an amazingly awesome job that is emotional and physical, and sometimes the rewards come later.