Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties for Christ's
sake; for when I am weak then I am strong.
2 Cor. 12:10
Today was one of the first days that I've ever really felt desperation or humbled by where we find ourselves these days. Maybe I was feeling the heaviness of our situation more because we just shared the story of where we've been to our small group this week, or maybe it was the three job rejections Brian got yesterday. Whatever the cause, for the first time I found myself close to tears with a hint of desperation welling up in my soul this morning.
I had to take Rori into the doctor's office today because she's had an on going rash for the last 3 weeks and we've tried pretty much everything to no avail. Since her last checkup our medical insurance with the Air Force had expired, so I had to go through the whole 'her insurance has changed" process. I'll admit, I felt a hit to my pride as I handed over the government card that is along the lines of Medicaid (which, might I ad, we are SO thankful for any kind of coverage for Rori). But then of course I was missing some other card which I never received, so 4 receptionists gathered around all trying to figure out what needed to happen and what was or wasn't going to work. They weren't unkind or snobbish about it in any way, I think the whole situation just got to me, and the fresh retelling of our story came to mind and then the discouragement of the job applications yesterday..............it just added up.
In the end, I don't even know what happened. One of the receptionists saw that we were previously on Tricare and that was the end of the discussion. They whispered something and handed me back my card and didn't even ask me about the missing paperwork or whatever it was.
When I got home I kept trying to figure out what had really gotten to me and why my eyes kept brimming up threatening to spill over. And I realized that it's just been so long - 7 months and counting and over 120 job applications. It seems like the clock is finally starting to tick of how long we can manage going on like we are. In reality we're still doing fine as long as no other little Meaghers come along. We just know it can't be this way forever. As I was processing it all I came across that verse in Corinthians, and it brought a little more peace to my heart. As Brian and I were sharing our story in small group this week we couldn't help but see how much God has worked in our lives through this whole situation. And I think what God has done in our lives through and circumstances has spoken to people. I won't say that our difficulties have been for the sake of Christ - we were just living normal life and difficulty came, but out of these difficulties I would say we've seen Christ get a lot of glory and in that sense it's all been worth it. Isn't that what our lives are supposed to bring in the end anyways?
So we'll keep on waiting and praying that something will come soon, but in the mean time I'll start looking for where Christ can be glorified. And I'm sure I can handle a little more humbleness here and there, It's said to be good for the soul.