May 2, 2012

Oh to be a stay at home mom......

 I can't tell you how many times I start writing a post, get half way through, and then decide I'm uninspired or bored with it and decide not to finish. It's probably close to 3 times a week. I realized I'm kind of stuck in a dilemma - I feel a little precarious about documenting our everyday lives. I'm/we aren't that self consumed and I'd like to think that there's more out there to "talk" (or blog) about than just our lives. Especially when it comes to me and now being a stay at home mom. I love it and my every day definitely revolves around caring for my beautiful little babe, but my world is so much bigger than that. I'm realizing the "mom world" easily becomes zeroed in on everything babies. Which I get - that's what I do all day so naturally it's easy to talk about. But at the same time - I got an education for a reason. I challenged my perspectives and broadened my horizons for a reason. And I have given much thought to the person I was, am, and am becoming for a reason. It was in hopes that I would gain a better understanding of God, His kingdom, and His plan for us here on earth. And I hate the idea that that all gets thrown out the window and forgotten because I've chosen to stay at home and be a mom.
   So when it comes to blogging - I don't want to just blog about my baby or being a mom or the silly little things we do. Not all the time anyway. But at the same time - that's all I do, all day long, every day. And don't get me wrong - I LOVE it. And it's definitely a choice that both Brian and I have made together; I guess in just passing conversations or observations I either get the vibe that people think I have "settled" and given up my life to motherhood or I get the vibe from other moms that babies are all the world revolves around anymore and they have very much given up on there being any life beyond that. Sometimes I feel as though I'm just begging for someone to talk to me about something other than my baby or maybe even an intelligent conversation that includes my baby - like maybe my heart's thoughts on how I'm supposed to raise this child, how I long to be able to show her God's kingdom beyond Christianity and don't quite know how, or how we want our kids to always be critical participants in their world at every stage in their lives.
   Maybe I'm making no sense in all this rambling and you're thinking, "Precisely why I wouldn't try to test the conversation waters beyond your baby's sleep patterns." (To which I would admit I'm still rendered completely clueless on that subject). But when it boils down to it, I want my world to be intellectually larger than making sure my baby is fed, clean, and developing well. And when it comes to blogging, I always hesitate to blog about my current world (my baby) for fear that you will think that is how small my world has become. In fact I see it as totally the opposite. Being a mom takes every last talent I have. I find myself gleaning from every place in life and everything I've become in order to best serve Rori. And I know it will take a continually active and growing mind and heart to guide her through her young years of life.

1 comment:

  1. Kelly,
    I was just catching up on your blog. I always enjoy what you post but especially love this one. You have really hit the nail on the head. Being a stay at home mom is what we do but it isn't all we are. Our lives right now revolve around taking care of our families, being a wife, a mother and homemaker. It is a wonderful calling and it does require a lot out of us. Yet, on the flip side we can have meaningful conversation about things other than family and as you said your child's sleep patterns.:) It is hard but you should never feel inferior because of what you have chosen to do. I say hard because it is something I still struggle with three kids later.:) Your world hasn't become small, just differently focused. Keep expressing yourself, I enjoy reading it.:)